Mark is 51. He is a successful creative director based in London where he also lives with his wife and two sons. Mark, who is not a City Road Therapy client, sought therapy when buried feelings began to seep into his every day life. Here’s his story…
The truth is, without going to therapy I’d most probably be the same person I used to be, but no nearer to ending my inner pain, depression and hurt.
If I hadn’t dealt with it, I’d not know an alternative life exists, one in which you can come to terms with your past and it doesn’t have to shape and effect your future.
I started therapy because I was sad and depressed. It wasn’t a one off, it was a general feeling I’d had for a long long time. I wanted to talk to someone I didn’t know because I was embarrassed to talk to anyone I already knew. I found a therapist who listened as I opened up over many weeks. Soon it became apparent that the sadness and depression were the symptoms to something much larger I’d made myself ignore.
I’d hidden all those feelings away, so they didn’t intrude on my life anymore, but the truth is I was sexually abused by a teacher at school over many years.
By hiding and ignoring those feelings, emotions and memories I felt I’d fixed the problem on my own. Of course I hadn’t, they seeped out into my day to day life like an emotional cancer that doesn’t care that you think you’ve dealt with it.
Over time, and through many sessions I was able to open up, able to talk bit by bit about emotions I’d hidden – with words I struggled to say and comprehend their significance.
There were huge mountains to climb. Admitting I’d been abused was an early one, since sexual abuse made me feel alone and ashamed. Telling friends I’d known for years was another terrifying ordeal that eventually had to be approached. What would they think of me? What if I lost the friendship for good?
The internal strength to tell my parents was massive. They had no idea of the hurt I’d been through and the hurt they would feel, although this was never their fault.
Massive internal struggles to navigate, and all the while therapy got me through it. Eventually I went to the police where my struggles and my ‘story’ were no longer under my control. Giving away the only thing I could control was scary but the whole journey was scary.
Therapy has given me tools to navigate these secrets, these awful conversations and the strength to overcome the most impossible of fears.
It feels huge at the beginning. Just choosing a person to listen to you feels hard. How do I know I’ll get on with them. What if they don’t believe me? What if they think my issue is trivial? What if. What if. What if….
There are lots of what if’s, in life. Choosing to speak is your choice and it’s the first step to change in your life. Having someone listening to you, believing you, understanding you and offering encouragement and support is vital on the journey ahead.
I know for certain that I’m no longer the person I once was, but I’m now the person I always should have been. Therapy transformed my way of communicating and living life while giving me back my emotions and energy to enjoy life once more.
If you would like to begin therapy you can either choose a therapist to contact from our therapy gallery or, if you’re not sure where to start, let us help you.